I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
