I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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