I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
