If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
