I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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