I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
