If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
