I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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