I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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