You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
