my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
