i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let the clothes fall where they may.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
