I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
