1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
