Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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