your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
