That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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