I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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