Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
