White coat. Heels.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
