Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
