Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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