Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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