we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
