you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
