Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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