Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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