Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
