Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
