I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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