I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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