my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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