Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
