; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
