I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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