"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
