i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
