We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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