it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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