i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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