I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
