Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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