If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
