we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
