cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
