Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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