worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
