I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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