Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
His nipple licking is glorious
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