I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Is it penis luge time yet?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
